Every now and again, a new acquaintance or friend remarks about my many interests and asks how I manage to have done so much in a short amount of time.
My first reaction is to respond, “Oh, were you talking to me??” (ha)
Then, I think, hells yeah! You bet I’ve done a lot in a short amount of time. That’s simply how I roll. And, overall, I am a happy person because of it.
I’ve thought about this question a lot lately.
Why is it that certain people delay and agonize over decisions, stay in situations that are hurting them (mentally, physically, spiritually, or otherwise), or hesitate to take a new direction?
I certainly understand there are always financial or familial constraints, and a myriad of factors that affect any situation. I am not here to judge anyone. Don’t get me wrong.
However, I do wonder: why the hesitation, why the problems making decisions?
Looking at this from my perspective, and after pondering and trying to come to the root of why I tend to always be moving, trying new things, and learning new ‘anything,’ (often while my sanity is questioned), I realized something profound.
I enjoy being uncomfortable. I enjoy that feeling of healthy tension—healthy stress. And, I don’t mean “drama,” such as participating in unhealthy family situations or commotion around the water cooler.
I live fully when the mental tornado forms while I get a new idea or head toward a new direction. My husband once remarked that my ideal job is starting new jobs. (What?? Hey, thanks, dear…ha.)
But he’s right, once I get the lay of the land, master how things work, and clean up shop—I tend to want to move on to something else. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I simply don’t thrive when I do the same thing for a long period of time or plant my roots too deep. I’m honest with employers about this, too. Because if this, one recent employer nick-named me, “special forces.” I get in. I get it done. I move on. Bing bodda boom!
I know purposeful discomfort may fly in the face of a lot of you out there searching for peace and harmony, but, for me, harmony includes a healthy dose of discomfort. Maybe I learned to love discomfort from learning to manage the physical pain of training for endurance sports? Maybe it developed from growing up on a farm? Or from various injuries and health situations I’ve experienced? I’m not sure.
But, I can say this, if you can learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, you’re more likely to take a risk and try something new. You’ll be surprised how the discomfort morphs into abundant happiness and pleasure over time. It certainly has for me.
I’d like your thoughts on this. Do you enjoy the nerves that often arise when making decisions or beginning new endeavors? Are you happier staying in a less-than-ideal situation to avoid rocking the boat (discomfort)? How do you feel when you are not comfortable and why?
Create your day!
[photo - by yours truly]
Hi Lori — it’s funny, as I was reading this post it occurred to me how the work I’m doing right now is geared as much toward my personal growth as it is to other people’s. Learning to be with that empty sensation in my chest that comes up when I’m about to do an interview for instance has been a very useful exercise. I wonder if that’s similar to your experience in what you do.
Hi Chris,
You are in tune, cool cat! It is a wonderful thing you feel that the great work you’re doing for others is helping you to grow, too.
To answer your question, an example of your observations occurred back when I was teaching. I think it took about a month not to feel nauseous prior to class. But looking back, I agree with you. Working through the discomfort is an incredibly useful exercise. And yes, every time I challenge myself with something new/different, even though it may be uncomfortable, once I move through the feeling, I feel a huge sense of happiness and pleasure.
~Great to see you!
Hi Lori,
I can so relate to what you wrote. In my family, people play it safe. Almost all my relatives have worked at the same job and live in the same house for years. Yours truly has moved around more than all my relatives put together and has held more jobs than all of them too.
For years, I felt bad that I was not like the rest of my family. Eventually, I got over that and am happy that I am not afraid to jump off the cliff. After having done it enough times, I know that I will always land of my feet. I may get bruised here and there but I always land. So I am all for rocking the boat!
.-= Nadia – Happy Lotus´s last blog ..What You Can Learn from a Burger =-.
Hi Nadia,
Don’t get me wrong, I certainly respect people who have worked hard doing the same thing for years and years. My dad has been a farmer his whole life. But, for me, the difference is that he LOVES IT! No need to change a good thing. (I am a bit off topic there, sorry.)
I knew you’d get my drift about this post. I love how you said it, too, “I may get bruised…but I always land.” So well said!
Changing focus, learning new things, and spreading one’s wings definitely can have consequences, but, for me, I’m willing to accept them. And, hey, I’ll rock the boat with you, girlfriend – count me in!
I’ve thought about this question a lot lately.
Why is it that certain people delay and agonize over decisions, stay in situations that are hurting them (mentally, physically, spiritually, or otherwise), or hesitate to take a new direction?
My astrologer friends would say that those people probably have Libra rising (like me).
My problem, if it is one, when I have trouble making decisions, is that I so thoroughly examine all sides of any issue that they all start looking equally good (or bad) and that delays the decision making.
That said, though, I can relate to the problem of becoming bored of doing the same thing over and over again. Sometimes I even get bored of a project before it’s finished (which is probably why there are so many half-written manuscripts on my hard drive). I love learning new things, and can often take up a new adventure with a zeal that crosses over into obsession.
I do enjoy exploring new things or the feeling of accomplishment that comes from having made the right decision, but I can’t say that I enjoy the anxiousness that precedes some major events or new endeavors. I’m one of those people who will sometimes lie awake at night mulling the options over (and over and over), not a good trait.
As far as feeling comfortable with discomfort? I can’t say that I get to the point that I feel comfortable with it … but I do get “used to it” and try not to let it stop me from moving forward.
::dot dot dot:: Did I even answer the question? I can’t decide….
.-= Gayze´s last blog ..Infinite Maybes (Reflections On Human Nature) =-.
Hi Gayze,
I appreciate your thoughtful reply! Yes, you answered my question, for sure.
It’s striking – we have a lot in common. I’m definitely not trying to play goodie-two-shoes here (not that you were saying that in the least) – just wanted to put that out there. I certainly struggle with big decisions, but I’ve learned that my “gut” is always right and to trust it more often. This has helped me to keep moving forward in the past few years – to make quicker, better decisions.
My willingness to try new things also causes me to end projects, probably too early. So, sometimes my get-up-and-go attitude backfires. I understand what you’re saying here, for sure!
Sounds like you’re doing well and enjoying your life. I’m enjoying your comments and your presence here at JBN, Gayze. Thanks for being here.
I truly admire those who thrive under that kind of exciting pressure, and can actually finish a project! Trusting our intuitions is a huge part of enjoying life, for sure. It’s interesting, too, as my profession’s about 85% trusting intuition, yet when it comes to big decisions, I’m a list-making, note-taking … Wembley (who can name the point of reference for that word? Not that it’s a REAL word, mind you….)
LOL I actually do finish many endeavors … I just often fizzle out midstream and have to find a way to motivate myself to find the ending. (Says the gal who has a short story begging me to complete it right now, in fact…. )
.-= Gayze´s last blog ..Infinite Maybes (Reflections On Human Nature) =-.
You wrote this for me, didn’t you?
I’ve always been that same way, too, despite my behavior over the past year. I think that’s why I loved my time in Americorps. I could go in, set up a new system, test the system to make sure it worked, and then pass it on to somebody new, while I moved on to the next challenge.
My specialty was doing things that normally require a huge budget…like marketing plans or volunteer management…for non-profits that didn’t have huge profits to spend.
I don’t know why I’ve been so paralyzed this year. I think it’s because this is the first time that I’ve had a really nice salary that I was throwing away, and really nice benefits. It’s easy to leap when you have nothing to lose. This time, I feel like I have a LOT to lose, and so it’s scaring me more than ever before.
And yes, I know I need to get over it, but I’m just not quite ready yet. Soon, though. Soon.
.-= Jay Schryer´s last blog ..These Dreams =-.
Hi Jay,
You know, at the end of this post, I was going to add the caveat, “P.S. Jay, I swear this post is not about you,” but I thought that’d be too goofy for new readers here at JBN.
But, it is true!
While you inspire many of my posts as my Man Muse (M2), this little soap box post evolved from an email conversation I had recently with a former colleague who was trying to make a decision about a career move.
That said, I think you’re right on the money (no pun intended) with your short-term plan. And, yes, you’ve hit upon what I think is the #1 reason for life paralysis. MONEY. And, rightly so. We become accustomed to a certain way of life and we don’t want to loose it. I’m no different. In my past, I got around that by remaining shackled by my golden handcuffs while I cross-trained in that “something else” during my evenings and weekends – until I was ready to make the jump. It was worth the discomfort.
I know you’ll get to your first step, then you’ll take another, then another, then another, all headed in the right direction. Believe me, you’re all good! And, yes, things will take off soon for you, I know it.
BTW: cool about Americorps! You rock!
Have a great day!
Oh, I am so BUSTED. I’m the say way when it comes to employment, although I didn’t realize it at first.
From what you’re describing it sounds like you are challenge oriented, that you like to solve problems and try new things.
Honestly, it sounds pretty exciting. Go you!
.-= Hayden Tompkins´s last blog ..The Magic of Having Your Own Transformers =-.
Hi Hayden,
The thing about employment is that I’ve learned that I need to be self-employed! Because, hey, I’m the best boss I’ve ever had. (ha)
Yes, I try to keep it exciting. I was the dork in the corner of the room solving word puzzles when other kids were eating their cookies and milk at break. But it sounds like we’re birds of a feather and you live large, too. Two thumbs up, girlfriend!! Enjoy!
Hey Lori,
I’m not that way when it comes to employment because I’ve rejected the idea of ever working for someone else ever again. I only want to work with other people or by myself.
Anyway, I think that you’re right, that getting used the that uncomfortable feeling before trying something is a very useful thing. Feel the fear and do it anyway!
.-= Gordie Rogers´s last blog ..Saturday Spew And Shout Out: October 3rd 2009. =-.
Hi Gordie,
YOU ARE THE MAN! I did the same thing, and as I said to Hayden – I’m the best boss I’ve ever had (I’m sure you are, too)! Yes, I said it twice on the same post b/c I’m passionate about self-employment. Good for you!
I like how your phrase, “Feel the fear and do it anyway!” That is a keeper. Maybe I’ll put a sign up on my desk to remind me of this awesome quote.
Thanks for stopping by here today, Gordie. I’m enjoying your presence here. Have a great day!
Hi Lori,
I honestly prefer a mix of comfortable and uncomfortable. On the one hand, there’s something exciting about new and uncharted territory – even with the nervousness that can come with it. On the other hand, though, there is a level of reassurance in the comfortable too. So, for me – if I can find a mix between the two that feels “right” to me – then that’s the place for me. I’ve experienced times where it just felt like there was too much change going on, and stability was important. And then, there have been times when I say – wow, this has lost it’s luster. And I welcome the change I seek.
Hmmm….what do you think, Lori? I’m on the fence here, it seems, doesn’t it! In the end, I think the key for me is in finding what feels right for me – and really listening to that voice within – to know…
.-= Lance´s last blog ..What Is Love, Really =-.
Lance,
What do I think? I think you are wise, honest, full of life, sweet, loving, energetic, inspiring, warm, empathetic, lovely, and kind.
Er, uh, you were asking about being uncomfortable, sorry. Let me rephrase, I think you’ve found the perfect level of discomfort for you, Lance. You have found an agreeable mix of what feel’s “right” to you – and that’s all that really matters.
You’re happy, content, and full of life so if you’re on the fence, maybe you’re like the bird who has created his nest there? You’re the bird on the wire, balanced perfectly -singing out to the world.
Lori:
Another great post…I think you wrote this post for me. Yep, I have chronically been bad at making decisions. Even worse, I’m good a putting off decisions (thereby making a decision). However, I’ve gotten pretty good about being uncomfortable…I think I learned that through learning improv. In any case, I read something this year that really resonated with me…if you are bad at making decisions you need to better develop your intuition. This makes a lot of sense and is great food for thought. I’ll get there on this decision-making thing. Have a great weekend!
.-= Tim´s last blog ..Friendly Friday: Getting Spiritual =-.
Hi Tim,
This post must be touching on something fairly universal – you’re the second person to say I wrote this for them. But, like I told Jay, I swear I’m not singling you out.
But, if this has resonated with a part of you, that is awesome and wonderful. I’m happy to hear that.
The cool thing is that you’ve captured here the heart of the matter – trusting your intuition.
That’s it!! Maybe I should start having you edit my posts prior to them going live? (ha)
Maybe becoming accustomed to being uncomfortable is just a dorky way to say, “Trust your intuition and chillax!”
Enjoy your day today, Tim the Great. You have the Force!
I can SO relate Lori! You could’ve written this post for me. Needing to try new things is in my DNA. I’ve become a “jack of all trades but master of none” and I’m quite fine with that because I’ve gotten to do some amazing things.
I’m pretty confident my family and friends think I’m a crazy person because of it but I’m fine with that too. The world would be a most boring place if us crazies weren’t part of it.
Oh yeah, and rocking the boat is a favourite pass-time for me!
.-= Sami – Life, Laughs & Lemmings´s last blog ..7 Ways to Decimate Procrastination =-.
Hi Sami,
The world certainly would be WAY more boring without you in it! And, heck yeah, you’re more than welcome to jump on the boat-rocking party with me and Nadia!
About being a jack of all trades and a master of none, I beg to differ. You are the master of your fate and have mastered how to live a kick arse life.
Bravo, girl, bravo!
Hi Lori.
Being comfortable is what the mind wants, it prefers to solve problems and having adventures by sitting in an armchair.
That is why television is so popular maybe?
The heart wants to experience things, knows about the wonderful world out there and thus rocks the boat.
From experience when I am stuck, in a safe salaried job or relationship that actually does not work for me, it is in a time when the mind has the biggest say. I agree that you then have to give the heart or intuition a chance to speak up. It is then that I take time to go away and be away from the safe world the mind likes. In nature I get to see where the value really lies. When I get back home the mind kicks and screams to hold on and that is the time when I need friends who can encourage me to let go.
It is like Nadia says, when you experience life it is still scary, you will always feel frights but no fear. And you learn that there is always a solution.
Lori, you are living life how it is supposed to be lived by you, you go and taste it.
You want to taste every plate from the buffet, while others go back to the same dish over and over again.
That is a choice and theirs to make as you so wisely said.
I prefer now to taste more and more too.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Wilma. You are a wise woman, indeed.
Two key points: you mentioned 1) nature and 2) friends. I tend to be too verbose and would prefer to write 2,000 word posts, but since I try to keep them about 1/4 that long, what I left out were #1 and #2.
I often seek the refuge of nature to help me learn that while nature may be chaotic and seem happenstance, it still knows what she’s doing! Nature doesn’t need self-help books (ha).
Also, without support of a few key friends and family members, I’m not sure I would’ve had the strength to make some of the decisions I’ve made.
I love that you mentioned #1 and #2. Thank you!
OK, off to the buffet table…
Thanks for being here today, Wilma.
One of the traits of a successful person is her/his acceptance of discomfort; wealthy people are accustomed of this virtue. Part of our self growth is to go beyond our comfort zones and most people hate this. You’ve got a powerful character.
Hi Walter,
Now that you say that, it makes sense. Thinking back to some of the people I’ve met who were financially well off, they did all seem to have the personality you describe. Hmmm…maybe my millions are just incubating somewhere until the location is revealed at a later date?
I had the pleasure to met two Nobel Prize winners while in graduate school – they were certainly risk takers.
As for my character, as long as me being a dork doesn’t affect my “powerful character,” that makes me feel pretty good. (ha)
Your words are really kind, Walter. I appreciate what you said here today. But, I just have to say, it takes one to know one!
Hey Lori,
Just writing to say great post. I am also impressed by how eager your audience is to respond to you. 23 Comments would be a record on my site! Hats off you really write content that people respond to.
Hi Casey! Great to see you here. I totally dig your comments and presence here in cyber space. You rock.
I’d love to meet you in person some day.
Thanks for your comment, but remember, 1/2 of those comments are mine! And, didn’t you hear (?), if you comment at JBN you get a singing telegram from me? Ha – totally joking there. You wouldn’t want to see that.
Joking aside, I love it that people out there wish to interact with me and join in the conversation. They’re actually helping me a lot more than I’m helping them, but let’s keep this little secret between the two of us.