Proof: Extraterrestrial Life Exists

I have a treat for you today. My blogging chick-mate and Flashdancer extraordinaire (scroll down 1/4-way through this linked page to see the famous Flashdance), Sami May, has felt it necessary to prove to me that a certain event occurred while she recently frolicked in Hawaii.

Beings that Sami always lives up to her promises, including her promise to me to make me laugh as much as possible while I figure out how to live with Ms. MS, she quickly delivered this story.

You may want to read this in the privacy of your own home or at least a secluded area, because I laughed my arse off reading and watching the video. You may want to head over to her site—Life, Laughs & Lemmings, too; it’s a treasure trove of inspiration, laughter, a Daisy List, and a great community of friends.

Sami, I have to hand it to you—my funny bone has been feather dusted! Thank you! And, thanks for spending some time with me over here at Jane Be Nimble.

(BTW: This post’s title is a play on Sami’s narcissistic tendency to think she’s the leader of the resident Earth Aliens corps.)

Sami, the floor is yours…

I wasn’t thrilled with the idea…

…of buzzing around on a moped in amongst trucks three times our size on the “wrong” side of the road. But such was my partner Chris’ “must do” on our recent trip to Hawaii.

Nonetheless, I do enjoy a challenge and Honolulu does have a beautiful, moped riding-worthy coastline. Besides, Robyn, (a good friend traveling with us) and Chris found one of these…

Smurfette Mobile

“How hard could it be?” I thought, “It’s practically a car!” This is known as a Mini Coupe. It’s no car. No, it most definitely is a moped in disguise. Top speed of 50mph (or so we were told). Safe as houses (if your house is made of straw and in the path of a Tsunami). A monkey could drive it (a monkey would have more sense).

Chris was smart and actually hired a normal moped. We were to travel in convoy with Robyn and I leading the way given I had the map.

Robyn drove the Mini Coupe first. Upon exiting the Mini Coupe headquarters, she hit the none-too-quiet horn instead of the indicator. Not an altogether reassuring start. It wasn’t helped by the fact that I was supposed to be navigating and assisting with road rules but was in hysterics due to the horn incident. Or perhaps it was due to blind terror, I’m not sure.

Either way, my ability to vocalize anything that didn’t resemble a cackle was severely lacking.

We weren’t hard to miss either; A bright blue vehicle careering down the road with 2 shrieking passengers on board. Runners, walkers and other drivers stopped, pointed and laughed. One guy took a photo of us on his phone whilst exclaiming, “Now that’s a keeper!” And here’s video evidence of our antics;

As we took a wrong turn, or rather, were forced to thanks to my inability to form any words, “what the f*ck have we gotten ourselves into!” did cross my adrenalin flooded, short circuiting brain. I’m pretty sure Robyn’s thoughts were much the same. It’s also possible she was secretly cursing her inept co-driver who was now laughing so hard, not only was she mute, but she also couldn’t see through hysterics-induced tears.

This situation was to be the norm for the rest of the morning, that is, until it was time to swap drivers. We chose a shopping centre for the changing of the guard. Chris moved across into the turning lane, which then somehow suddenly became flooded with cars.

The conversation went something like this;

Robyn: SHIT, WHERE DID ALL THOSE CARS COME FROM! WE CAN’T GET ACROSS! WE’LL LOSE CHRIS!

Sami: Hahahahahahaha. Heeeeeeee. Hahahahahahaha!

Robyn: SAMI! HELP ME GODDAMIT!

Sami: Hahaha…I’m…hahaha…trying…..hee heeeeee!

Robyn: SAMI, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IS ANYONE LETTING US IN?!

Sami: HAHAHA [dumbly nods] Ahhhhahahahahahahah! Yes! Hahahahahah. GO! HURRY! GO NOW! Heeeee hee hahahahaha!

Robyn parked the Smurfette Mobile, we swapped drivers and Chris got into position to push us out (it didn’t have reverse), but not before I almost took him out. I’d forgotten to let go of the throttle upon starting it. Lucky for Chris the park brake was still engaged. Not an altogether reassuring start.

Nonetheless, I figured I couldn’t be as bad a driver as Robyn. She was all over the road. A demented lemming would travel in a straighter line than she did. Her excuse was something about “this f*cking thing having a mind of its own!” A good tradesman never blames his tools Robyn.

A mile down the road and after the Smurfette Mobile took it upon itself to veer violently into the lane beside us, I passionately began blaming my tools!

Sami: ROBYN, THIS F*CKING THING HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN!

Robyn: HAHAHAHAHA…I…hahahahaha…told…heeheeheehahahahaha…you…ha!

It didn’t take long for me to see that what little control Robyn had had of the thing was inordinately more than I did.

The scope of my world narrowed to a complete focus of getting us home in one piece.

We’d been told by the Mini Coupe place we could drive on any road except 4 freeways, one of which the current 3 lane highway we were on, merged with.

Sami: ROBYN, DO NOT. I REPEAT, DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ALLOW US TO END UP ON THAT FREEWAY!

Robyn: Hahahah…I…haha heeeheeeeeeee…won’t…hahahaha!

Sami: ROBYN, IF WE END UP ON THAT FREEWAY, WE WILL SURELY DIE! JUST SO YOU KNOW!

Robyn: HAHAHA…OK, OK…HahahahahahahahA…we’ve got plenty of time…hahahahaha…but get in your left lane when you can…hahahahaha!

We successfully moved to the left across 2 lanes of traffic in readiness. A minute later…

ROBYN: OH MY GOD! THERE’S THE EXIT…ON THE RIGHT!

Sami: HOLY SHIT ROBYN! NOOOOOOOOOOO!

I indicated, Robyn started wildly waving at the cars in the lanes to the right of us and pointing to the gaps we intended to fill (whether they liked it or not). We careened across 2 lanes of traffic, narrowly missing the “No mopeds past this point” sign and onto the off-ramp, stopping at the bottom at a red light.

Robyn looked at me. I looked at Robyn. “That was close,” she said. I was mute.

We made it back to the Mini Coupe HQ and then went in search of a strong drink, not caring in the slightest that it was only 11.45am.

According to Chris, watching the trip unfold from behind was most amusing. The random meanderings of the Smurfette Mobile were only slightly less funny than the “AH’s!” and “EEEEECK’s!” just audible over the high pitched squeal of the engine.

Clearly a Mini Coupe driver I aint. I can, however, drink 4 Mai Tai’s in quick succession.

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