[logo designed by Melissa at Operation Nice]
October was a trip.
I mean, really, a wild ride.
Sami from Life, Laughs, and Lemmings got a few of us bloggers to join her on a path to try to do something we normally wouldn’t do, something nice each month based on a “theme.”
October’s theme was kindness.
To be honest, I felt I was looking at the world in a slightly different way since then. I often felt myself asking, “Could I be doing more?” My mind was stretched in a different way somehow by this simple commitment. And, yes, I did things out of the ordinary for me. I made an effort to show acts of kindness that I wouldn’t have normally shown. The world is good.
I’m choosing not to share specifics because, well, my own personal bias or “baggage” is that by sharing, it takes away some of my kindness effort by disclosing it. You know? I have absolutely nothing against others who want to spread the good news about what they’ve done, in this forum or otherwise, but for me, it takes something special away from my act of kindness to broadcast it. I want to keep it meaningful, special, and close to my heart. The acts I performed very much came from my heart.
One thing struck me through this exercise, though—the lack of people who actually asked for kindness. I put out a message via my blog and I contacted people personally (by email or phone) asking how I could help or arrange to bring a little more kindness into their world. And, guess what?
Pin drop. Almost nothing.
Because only three individuals asked for something, very minimal in my opinion, I felt first-hand experience to a profound phenomenon. Our society does not look well upon or put in a good light the act of asking for help (in the form of kindness or otherwise). I may have done even more than I did, but I had such a strong desire to act as the Fulfill Your Wish Fairy. I wanted to know what people really wanted so I could help them achieve it, or make them feel better, or whatever I could do in my power.
So, while the true goal behind October’s Kindness month was met in my eyes—I was more kind—I also was reminded that it’s OK for all of us to reach out to others, even when we feel we don’t deserve it or that we’ll be just fine on our own. I know I am certainly guilty of this, not asking for help when I really could use it.
So, remember to be kind in a way that stretches you. But, importantly, please remember to ask for help, and to not be ashamed to appear vulnerable by asking for it. I guarantee there’s someone out there that is chomping at the bit to help, and I guarantee you’ll both be better for your humble act of asking.
What are your thoughts on asking for help or how society views showing kindness to others?
Next month’s theme: BEAUTY.
Take some time to visit other RAOKA posts today, too:
Sami at Life, Laughs & Lemmings
Lance at Jungle of Life
Dani at Positively Present
Brandi at Joy Rebel
Melissa at Operation Nice
Other RAOKA supporters to check out:
Keith at Think for Money
Peggy at Serendipity Smiles
Gayze at Gazehound’s Animal Communication
Miche at Serenity Hacker
Hey Chicka! I love how we’re all taking this idea and running with it in different ways.
One of the cool things I found from the experience was I received back more kindness than usual. I’m not sure if it was because I was more aware of kindness or if it was a case of what you give out you get back. Either way, it was a most pleasant surprise!
Great job Lori!
.-= Sami – Life, Laughs & Lemmings´s last blog ..A Traveller Returns =-.
Thanks for lighting this fire, Sami, it’s been fun! Of course, I think if you asked me to run into a burning building, I’d do it because you make everything sound fun somehow… (lol)
I loved all the photos and stories at your site, Sami, you are a remarkable woman. Thanks for pulling this together!
~xo
You were kind to me, even though I didn’t ask. But then again, you always are, so I’m not sure if that counts for “kindness month” or not.
Still, you’re naturally a very kind person, so I’m not surprised that you feel like you had limited success. You were looking for ways to be extra special kind, when there was really no need to. It’s like your baseline kindness is already so high, you felt like you had to elevate yourself to even GREATER levels of kindness…when in fact, you were already kind enough.
.-= Jay Schryer´s last blog ..The Perfectionism Myth =-.
Yeah, Jay, I really think I could’ve done more. I wanted to totally rock someone’s world. I tried, I did some pretty cool things, but maybe I set myself up with too high of expectations. I’m not sure…
Thanks for what you said here today, you made me feel better. That sooo like you! Thanks for being kind to me always.
~xo
That’s what I’m saying. You totally rocked *my* world…by being kind, I mean
.-= Jay Schryer´s last blog ..The Perfectionism Myth =-.
“Our society does not look well upon or put in a good light the act of asking for help (in the form of kindness or otherwise).” – Well said.
.-= Chad´s last blog ..The Importance of Music =-.
Hi Chad,
Great to see you here! Thanks for your support and comment. You are always welcome here to add to the conversation.
I know, huh, what gives with us as a society and helping others? Hmmm…
Next month will be interesting, too, Random Acts of Beauty – I am already getting ideas for that one.
Have a great day.
In some historical societies, including many tribal nations, the wiseman, or teacher, was a wanderer. He had no home of his own to speak of. As he went from place to place, sharing wisdom, training up others in the ways of the wise, he would be paid in kindness.
People would provide a roof, clothing, warmth and food. Whenever they asked, “what do you need?” the wiseman was not afraid to answer honestly, because it was simply a natural thing to give as well as to receive.
I think our society has been somewhat separated from the traditions of giving and receiving. I’m pleased to see RAOKA and its participants renewing those blessings, each in their own marvelous way.
RAOKA On, everyone!
.-= Gayze´s last blog ..Creative Overload: Knitting and NaNo! =-.
Hi Gayze,
Wouldn’t it be an interesting world if everyone felt it as easy to receive as to give?
You are a wise woman, Gayze, and I’m honored to know you. I wonder what it was like to live with the tribal nations in our history. I wonder what it was like to live in hunter-gatherer societies, to live in large groups all helping each other out. (?)
Thanks for your support and cheering for RAOKA, Gayze, because of people like you this is all worth it.
Hello Lori,
Wonderful post you’ve written. I want you to know that it was an awesome thing you did, sending love and encouragement to my three daughters. that was certainly a KIND act. As soon as I am with them again I will pass the packages on to them. You are making a difference Lori, you really are and I appreciate you.
.-= Keith´s last blog .. =-.
Hi Keith!
Hey, thanks for your KIND comment. I think what Sami said here in the comments is really true. I was trying SO HARD to be super kind, but one of the huge boomerang effects (as Lance would say) is the kindness I perceived as a result.
Your comment is a perfect example. Thank you!
Thanks for letting me do something for your girls. While I am from California (the land of fruits and nuts (
) make sure they know I’m not off my rocker. (lol)
Thanks again for being a kind, wonderful soul. And, welcome aboard!!
Hi Lori:
Thank you for sharing your RAOKA story! I just want to thank you up front for your kindness and support-seriously. Like the others ahead of me, it has really made a difference. Also interesting to learn from Sami at the top about how much kindness she’s getting in return from this project. Sounds like giving away kindness can be a lot like giving away money, it is often us who gets the most out of doing it. Keep rockin’!
.-= Tim´s last blog ..10 Things I’ve Learned From Getting Laid Off =-.
Hi Tim,
I really, truly hope my goofy posts and connection with you has helped in some way or another. I often feel that what I’ve had to go through dealing with my MS has given me a lot of tools do deal with life’s challenges, but I also need to remember that everyone is on his or her journey and by removing challenges, that person will not fully experience life. Right?
Thanks for everything you said here, Tim, I appreciate the kindness you’re affording me!
I didn’t participate in ROAKA but I have been doing the random acts of kindness thing since I was a kid. (It was a big deal in my church.)
I think the thing I love most about the whole thing is that in order to act, you have to first observe and empathize with other people. What help could this other person use? How are they feeling right now?
It’s an amazing and connecting activity, deeper than a few good acts. It really does help shift something inside the giver on a fundamental level.
.-= Hayden Tompkins´s last blog ..How to Use Your Calendar to Stay Motivated =-.
Hayden, you are a wise soul.
I’ve said it before, but it’s worth saying again.
You continue to amaze me and I want to say here that I am soooo lucky to have found you!
Thanks for your thoughts here and for your kindness in this world.
~xo
HI Sweet Lori,
This post and the depth with which you wrote this post…made me tear up. Youre such a sweet soul.
You remember in my guest post at Q4B I said this…Its ok to ask for help>>I still believe it. I learned the hard way…but its ok to ask. The reasons we dont ask though, as a society, is cause we are so caught up in portraying this strong persona about ourself. Somehow..somewhere it becomes an ego issue. I hope all of us begin to realize that by asking for a kind act..we dont become smaller..we infact grow as individuals..and are spreading the Love God made us Of.
With Love and Big HUgs
Z
p.s. next month i will be joining your RAOKA gang to spread some beauty…:)
.-= Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..Yippee!!!8 Point Plan-Update =-.
Hi Zeenat!
I feel like an angel visited my blog! Yippee!! I love having you here.
Awww…well, truth be told, I was physically feeling really bad when I wrote this post. I wanted to make sure I pushed it live for go day – and I was feeling pretty crummy. But, I’ve decided more recently to show not only the “super bubbly Lori” but also my thoughts when I’m not feeling the best, too. And this post is what happened.
Sorry, a bit of a ramble there…
I also remembered reading your post at Q4B and knew that if you stumbled across this post you’d understand my point about asking for help. I’m glad this resonated with you.
Suffice it to say, thank you for your kindness here! And welcome to RAOKA, too!
~xo
Hey Lori,
You definitely spread kindness my way! Really, in a very special way – thank YOU!! Now to your question: I DO have a hard time asking for help. I’m sure it has something to do with appearing vulnerable, or not capable of doing something myself. Interestingly, October was a really busy month – and I resigned myself to the fact that I would need help if I was going to get everything done. By virtue of that, October was a very good month for me – as I had the opportunity to practice asking for help. And it felt really good when others so willingly helped out! I hadn’t really thought much about it until reading your post here – and it IS good to think about.
Awesome, Lori! Really, you shine – always!! Kindness is part the fabric of your being…
.-= Lance´s last blog ..RAOKA: Kindness =-.
Hi Lance,
This month, knowing you were working on Blogging for a Cause (ebook), maintaining your blog, working full time, being a husband and father, working out, etc. I was wondering how you were holding up! I’m glad you asked for help, Lance-the-Great, because even angels need help sometimes (yes…you).
I love being a part of this and that you’re involved, too. You bring a unique, pure light to this project and I’m honored that you’re a part of my world.
Peace to you, Lance.
~xo
Hi Lori!
You are a shining light in the blogosphere! The whole project is just wonderful! All you can do is put the kindness effort out there and let the Universe handle the details – trust that whomever needs it will either come to you or benefit in some way unbeknownst. I think it is the willingness to serve that is so key and you’ve rocked with that!
I’ve asked that same question – why don’t people ask for help? – so many times over the years. Especially when I hear from a friend the troubles, illness, or whatever that I may have been able to help with had she only asked! I keep on putting it out there anyway. Last Oct (08) a friend in Wisc was having surgery and I went to stay with her for 2 wks. because she lived alone. Honestly that is the last time anyone asked me for anything – with the except of monetary contributions to good causes.
I could use help in trying to promote my 2nd blog to teachers and home schoolers and finding an epublisher for my book. There. It’s out there! Thethinkingplayground.blogspot.com Any help or suggestions are most welcome!
Keep on keeping on! You are awesome!
Hugs
suZen
Hi Suzen,
You’re absolutely right!!! Shaka that, girl!
I’m such a nutty-crunchy chicka, one with the universe, all that, you’d think I’d know by now – put “it” out there and let the Universe handle the details.
That was so simple and eloquent, Suzen. I love it!
That is really special that you took time out to help your friend, too. I remember when my MS first stated, I couldn’t walk well or get around the apt for about eight weeks (really weak and disoriented), and I had a friend who stopped by every day after school (we were in college) to check on me. She sat by me on my bed, told me jokes, read books to me, and brought me food. It as just so special I’ll never forget it! Blessings to you, Suzen.
And good for you for asking for help!! You can come to my blog anytime to post links or anything you’d like. It will come, Suzen, it will come.
Whoohoo, good for you for asking and now you have declared what you want things will happen. Way to go, way to go.
.-= Wilma Ham´s last blog ..Ann-Marie on Listening that Makes a Difference =-.
Hi Lori,
Thank you for sharing with all of us your journey with kindness in October.
I think you hit on two key points about how it can be hard to ask for help and how society tends to not value kindness. That second one baffles me because I think it is so important to be kind. Life is too short to waste by walking around being cranky and self-absorbed.
I do admit I have had a hard time asking for help. That is something that I have had to work on especially when I got married and my husband brought it to my attention. For most of my life, I had to depend on myself so I just never learned about asking for help. Getting married changed that for me and now I am much better than before. I still could be better but I am working on it.
As for the kindness, I truly try to be as kind and as loving as I can be every day.
Looking forward to the next months’s report! You go, girl!
.-= Nadia – Happy Lotus´s last blog ..Woundology 101 =-.
Hi Nadia,
I agree! I really feel my husband is the person most responsible for showing me not only how to love, but also how to ask for help (and pretty much everything that is good about me).
I’m happy that you enjoyed my observations about my kindness journey. I’m looking forward to deeply looking at beauty next; I’m sure it will bring more beauty to my life, too!
Thanks so much for adding to the conversation, Nadia. Hope all is well for you!
Hey Lori, you are so sweet and yet acts of kindness have no scale and are you looking for the perfect ones perhaps?
You never know how an act lands, it might be small for you to give and received as something huge by the other person.
Do not quantify or qualify, just be the love that you are and you will be kindness.
And if you do not feel love because you are tired or not well, you know what, be kind to yourself first and ask for help. THAT is an act of kindness too and I am taking my own words to heart too.
Hmm.
And as for asking, you know I am terrible at it. Argggh, that might mean not being kind to myself????? Arggghhh.
I need a drink right now and I am going to make myself a cup of tea even if I shouldn’t.
Thanks buddy.
.-= Wilma Ham´s last blog ..Ann-Marie on Listening that Makes a Difference =-.
Lori, Lori, I failed. On my way to be kind to myself I got side tracked, I hung out the washing and changed the sheets on the bed instead. Huh?
So now I am going to make one, wish me luck that I make it.
.-= Wilma Ham´s last blog ..Ann-Marie on Listening that Makes a Difference =-.
Hi Wilma,
Good luck with that cup of tea! I hope you’re holding it in your hands as you read my comment.
Thanks for your support! This is a crazy life, all the shoulds and woulds and wouldn’ts. Can’t we all just go to Hawaii and chillax at the beach?
(Thanks for commenting!)
Aloha and shaka that, my buddie.
I did it and I sat in the sun for exactly 10 minutes than I made myself to sit another 5. I do agree, this is crazy world or better still WE are crazy, the world is fine.
.-= Wilma Ham´s last blog ..Ann-Marie on Listening that Makes a Difference =-.
[...] from The Jungle of Life Brandi from Joy Rebel Lori from Jane Be Nimble Dani from Positively Present Melissa from Operation [...]
I agree with your point about doing kindness for kindness’ sake and not for bragging rights. I try to be kind to others, but like you, I’m not going to advertise it. Just the act of kindness in and of itself is fantastic.
I love what you are doing with great monthly themes.
.-= Beth L. Gainer´s last blog ..Breast Cancer Profiling and the Blame Game =-.
Hi Beth!
Great to see you here. I really loved what Sami stared – it’s very low-key, we can make of it what we want, and the monthly themes really help me to focus my thoughts around what I’m doing in that “space.”
Thanks for all you said here, I really appreciate it! Have a great weekend!
~xo
[...] Random Acts of Kick Arse: Update [...]
[...] ♦ March’s theme post: Laughter ♦ February’s theme post: Passion ♦ January’s theme post: Gratitude ♦ December’s theme post: Wacky! ♦ November’s theme post: Beauty ♦ October’s theme post: Kindness [...]