[Photo courtesy Just Chaos]

As you all know, I host a weekend series here at Jane Be Nimble called Front Porch with a focus on people’s stories (spanning comedy to tragedy)—to steep us in the human experience. Many of life’s best stories are told on front porches, in break rooms, and in back yards; that’s what Front Porch is all about.

The people on my Front Porch aren’t necessarily bloggers—anyone can be featured on the Front Porch. If you want to join me on the Front Porch, drop me a line (Contact Me) and let’s talk! Read the introductory post about this series here. Make sure you don’t miss the next installment of Front Porch—sign up for the free issue delivered via RSS or email.

If you’ve seen Tess around and/or interacted with her at all, you know what and inspiring and bold person she is (and, yes, an affordable life coach!). When she puts her mind to a task—you can count on her meeting her goals.

I got to know Tess a bit better when I downloaded her free ebook, Fying By the Seat of My Soul, via her website, The Bold Life. While I partook of her book, one event kept sticking in my mind as I read.

Tess spent a considerable amount of her time counseling prison inmates.

Now, I don’t know about you, but this is certainly something I have never experienced myself and I’m intrigued by her experience.

I’m heading to the kitchen to pour her and I a tall glass of clean, crisp ice water. Tess’ voice is crisp and clear, just like the water she loves! Climb onto the front porch with us, get comfy, grab a cup of your favorite liquid, and steep with me with this lovely soul.

Hey, Tess, thanks for joining me! Your book rocked—I loved how you wrote about your life experiences and used them to help others deal with their own struggles, this was crystal clear. In your book, you talked about how you worked with inmates in prisons, and I want to know more. Can we talk about that?

How did you end up working in prisons?

“Well, I didn’t grow up thinking, ‘I want to be a counselor in prison someday.’ I went to grad school for counseling psychology and specialized in drug/alcohol addiction.”

“My first two years of employment were at treatment centers. All employees were over- worked, under paid and there was no end to our paperwork. I remember on Friday nights I would be so tired I’d go to bed without eating dinner.”

“Most of the people we saw were street people, about a third lost all they owned to their cocaine addiction.”

“I was asked if I would be willing to go twice a week and do group therapy at the prison. I was willing.”

Can you remember your first day on the job (in the prison)?

“Effective groups are limited to seven people. But, my first day at the prison, I had 27 prisoners and I was shaking in my shoes. The prisoners knew it and took complete advantage of me. Nobody listened, they mocked me for being ‘white’ and laughed at my naiveté.”

Wow, Tess, I have no idea how I would handle that. What happened?

“With the help of the probation officers I did gain control but decided I would handle the group by teaching them. I’d bring in my Chicken Soup for the Soul book and read stories from the section on overcoming obstacles. I taught them how to create goals and listened to what let them to prison. With my humor and sincerity I won their trust.”

“I learned not to be afraid and at the same time I learned how to put down boundaries.”

Any there any examples you can share with me, of how you set boundaries?

“I had to expel two from the group. One for putting her head down and sleeping through class and another for telling me he would rip my head off given the chance. His eyes were empty and I believed him.”

I have personally been in dangerous situations where I can say I know what you mean, Tess. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I’m also convinced there are people out there not to get tangled with. Did you meet anyone who affected you more than any others, or that you remember vividly?

“One person that stood out was an educated nice looking young man.”

“I could tell by looking at him he didn’t fit in there.”

What’s his story? May I ask?

“He was driving home drunk from a party, had a head on collision and killed a 16 year-old girl. He told me how he held her in his arms while waiting for the ambulance and cops to come. He vividly described the entire scene as he sobbed: Her broken bloody body, being helpless, her last breath and the shame that consumed him.”

“He stated he was, ‘messed up in the head,’ by the incident and felt he ruined both families’ lives. I was quiet and held the space for him to feel safe.”

“I never got in the passenger seat of car again after drinking a single drop of alcohol.”

That is powerful, Tess. I can see how that would be hard. I mean, I really can’t understand, but I can empathize. I feel this story on a deep visceral level. Drinking and driving is such a sad crime. It’s ruined so many millions of lives—I’m sorry for everyone involved, really. Drunk drivers have touched my life and family, too.

How do you cope with these stories as you interact with your clients?

“In order to be a good therapist it’s necessary to learn not to get hooked in the pain, feelings, and emotions of clients. You also learn to leave their problems in your office. These were difficult things to accomplish. Yet I did.”

“Throughout the year I knew I was growing and becoming stronger. I knew at the time I wanted to have my own practice. I wanted to work with the ‘wealthy well.’ I wanted to become a professional speaker and I wanted to write a book.”

“I knew those three goals wouldn’t come easy yet I also knew after working in the prison for one year I was strong enough to do anything. One year later I shared an office space in a historic home with nine other therapists.”

“I was responsible for getting my own clients. I joined Toastmasters, held workshops for women and wrote my book. People who sat in my audiences and read my book were the same people who hired me to speak and came with to me for counseling.”

Tess, you inspire me, your time with me on the Front Porch gave me goosebumps, and I don’t take for granted that you shared these thoughts with me. I know they are deeply personal to you. Thank you. Thank you for being you.

I enjoyed learning about a slice of Tess’ life, and I hope you were able to enjoy this time with us, too.

Please continue the conversation with us by adding a question or comment, for either Tess or myself, below. Have you ever found yourself in a situation you weren’t quite expecting, and if so, how did you handle it?

Create a great day!
Previous Front Porch Posts:
Front Porch: The Series
Front Porch: Not A Typical Day In The Park (With Tim Piotrowski)
Front Porch: Pearl’s Wisdom (A conversation with Lori’s first pet)
Front Porch: An F22 Jet and a Costa Rican Chica (With Lisis Blackston)
Front Porch: George and the Power of the Human Spirit (With George Angus)
Front Porch: Of Bands, Explosions, and Cattle Auctions—Laughter (With Jay Schryer)

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